Prompt: Scenic view of Mt Hood, night time sky, full moon, proper night stars, and to the left a fading shooting star.

Prompt: Draw a tall brown rabbit with a full beard and long hair.

Prompt: Make the beard salt and pepper.

Hi there, I’m Thomas, a 48-year-old individual navigating life with a unique combination of traits: I am an empath, I have high-functioning autism (HFA), and I experience a mix of primary and secondary alexithymia. Growing up in the southern traditions of North Carolina shaped my early years, but in 2013, I embarked on a journey to the west coast, seeking a better understanding of myself. Little did I know, this journey would lead me to Camas, Washington, where I’ve encountered both challenges and moments of profound growth.

Let me break it down for you: being an empath means I have an innate ability to deeply understand and share the feelings of others. It’s like having a heightened emotional radar, which can be both a blessing and a curse. If you’re struggling with this concept, have you ever heard someone suggest they have gaydar? Gaydar is a colloquialism referring to the intuitive ability of a person to assess others’ sexual orientations as homosexual, bisexual or straight. As an empath, I feel your feelings.

On the flip side, my high-functioning autism brings its own set of strengths and challenges. While I excel in certain areas (music, food, and computers) and have a keen eye for detail, social interactions can be daunting, and sensory sensitivities often overwhelm me. To top it off, alexithymia adds another layer of complexity, making it difficult for me to identify and express my own emotions, let alone understand those of others.

Living with these three conditions has its strengths. As an empath, I am deeply attuned to the emotions of those around me, allowing me to offer genuine support and empathy to others. My high-functioning autism brings a sharp focus and attention to detail, which has served me well in various endeavors. And even with alexithymia, I’ve developed resilience and an ability to approach situations with logic and reason.

However, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. The draining effects of being an empath can sometimes leave me feeling overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted, especially in chaotic or crowded environments. Social interactions, a challenge for many individuals with HFA, often leave me feeling drained and misunderstood. And navigating the complexities of alexithymia can sometimes feel like trying to decipher a language I never learned.

Recovery and healing have been ongoing journeys for me since my breakdown in 2005. While progress has been made, there are still challenges to overcome. Coping with the intersection of these three conditions requires patience, self-awareness, and support from those around me.

So, how can you support someone like me? Here are a few coping skills that have helped me along the way:

1. Self-care: There will be times when I will need to take breaks for myself. It’s important for my well-being that I recharge and rejuvenate. Please understand that this doesn’t mean you or anyone else has done something wrong. I simply need to prioritize self-care by meditating, spending time in nature, or engaging in a favorite hobby. Practicing self-care is essential for maintaining my emotional well-being.
   
   • Processing: I need to go through a process to help separate others’ emotions from my own. As an empath and support healer, I often feel deeply connected to the emotions of others, which can make it challenging to maintain a sense of self. It’s important for me to recognize that while I may empathize with others, their emotions are not my own. This means establishing boundaries and practices to prevent myself from carrying the emotional baggage of others. By cultivating a stronger sense of self and practicing mindfulness, I can better navigate my role as an empath and support healer while prioritizing my own emotional health.
     
2. Set boundaries: As an empath, my innate desire to help others often conflicts with my need to prioritize my own well-being. It’s ingrained in my very nature to want to alleviate others’ pain and suffering, but I’ve come to realize that I cannot pour from an empty cup. Setting boundaries has become essential for protecting my energy and emotional health.
   
   However, setting boundaries isn’t as simple as it sounds. It means learning to say no, which can be incredibly challenging for someone like me who thrives on being of service to others. Simply saying no often triggers my own feelings of guilt/worry that I become overwhelmed with the idea that I may be letting someone down. It feels like I’m going against the very essence of who I am.
   
   I’m starting to come  to understand that setting boundaries is not selfish. It’s necessary for my own well-being. It’s about recognizing my own limits and honoring my needs, even if it means disappointing others from time to time. I’ve had to learn that saying no doesn’t make me any less empathetic or caring; it simply means I’m taking care of myself so that I can continue to be there for others in a sustainable way. It is a constant balancing act, and I’m still learning and growing every day.
   
   But through many trials and errors, I’m discovering that setting boundaries not only preserves my own energy and emotional health but also allows me to show up more authentically and fully for those who truly need my support.
   
3. Seeking support: This an essential part of my healing journey, but it’s not always easy for me. I have a natural inclination to respect and honor others’ journeys, often to the point of submitting my own needs and desires. I welcome and celebrate people’s transformations and growth, but I also recognize that my eagerness to support others can sometimes lead me to neglect my own well-being.
   
   • Challenge 1: The Blessed: It’s not uncommon for me to invest deeply in others’ lives, serving as a blank canvas for their hopes, dreams, and struggles. I find joy in witnessing their journey of self-discovery and liberation, but in the process, I sometimes lose sight of my own sense of self. I become so wrapped up in others’ growth and development that I forget to nurture my own.
     
   • Challenge 2: The Curse: I have this tendency to prioritize others over myself. It becomes difficult to ask for support when I need it most. It never feels like it’s my turn; ever. In my mind, seeking support means shifting from being a canvas to being a brush, an active participant rather than a passive observer. I think of it as I must be off if I’m not on. How do I be there for myself without attracting human moths, drawn to my light?
     
   • Challenge 3: The Balance: Finding this balance between supporting others and prioritizing my own needs is an ongoing journey, one that requires building confidence in who I am and accepting that self-care is not selfish, but necessary for my own well-being. It’s about recognizing that I am not defined by the roles I play or the people I support, but by the unique colors and brushstrokes that make me who I am. Only by maintaining this sense of self can I avoid repeating the patterns of history and create a life that honors both my own needs and the needs of those around me.
     
4. Practice mindfulness: This has become the essential tool in my journey towards inner peace and emotional balance. Through mindfulness practices like deep breathing exercises, meditation, and grounding techniques, I’ve discovered the power of staying present and managing overwhelming emotions by becoming nothing.
   
   Recently I had a profound realization about the power of mindfulness during a stay at the local hospital early 2024. In the midst of medical monitoring and uncertainty, I found solace in the simplicity of nothingness. With the constant monitoring of my heartbeat, I was able to disengage from the chaos of the outside world and embrace the serenity of the present moment. There were no worries, no distractions, just the assurance that someone was there for me, looking out for my well-being without even needing to ask.
   
   This experience taught me the importance of allowing myself to be mindful, especially during times of difficulty or physical distress, and find peace in nothing.. By finding time to engage in healthy conversations with trusted individuals about what’s going on in my life, I can prevent my emotions from spiraling out of control. It’s crucial for me to be mindful of self-sabotage and the tendency to become my own worst enemy when overwhelmed by distress.
   
   In these moments, I meet another aspect of myself, a vision of someone I used to be, filled with doubt and self-criticism. But through mindfulness, I’ve learned to accept and process these negative emotions, allowing myself the grace to be kind and compassionate towards myself. It’s a lesson that may seem simple, but its impact is profound. The longer I remain in this state of mindfulness, the clearer everything else becomes, and the more capable I am of navigating life’s challenges with resilience and grace.
   
5. Educate: Educating myself about the intricacies of empathy, autism, and alexithymia has been a transformative and exhaustive journey so far. However, by understanding these conditions more deeply, I’ve not only gained insight into my own experiences but I’ve also fostered empathy and support from others. Sharing this knowledge with those around me has helped break down stigma and create a more inclusive environment with others.
   
   However, I’ve realized that my learning journey doesn’t end with acquiring knowledge, it extends to connecting with others who share similar experiences. Meeting fellow “blank canvases” or individuals who understand these conditions firsthand would greatly benefit me. It’s a chance to find understanding and solidarity in a world where these traits can often feel isolating.
   

Living with the combination of empathy, high-functioning autism, and alexithymia has its challenges, but it has also taught me resilience, empathy, and strength. By embracing my unique traits and leaning into support from those around me, I will continue to navigate life’s ups and downs with grace and determination. And to anyone out there walking a similar path, know that you are not alone. There’s magic out there to experience, be a part of, and make your own. I’ll be in your audience cheering you on.

I’m incredibly grateful to everyone who has taught me something valuable in my lifetime. Each interaction, whether big or small, has contributed to my growth and understanding. I cherish the connections I’ve made and hope that our paths cross again someday, as we continue to learn and support each other on this journey of self-discovery and acceptance. Wouldn’t that be nice?

So far this year I’m on an unpredictable journey. Sometimes, it’s the unexpected twists and turns that lead us to profound self-discovery and growth. In this blog post, I share a personal poem that captures a phase of my life where pain and introspection led to a deeper understanding of myself and the world around me, so far, in 2024.

Chocolate’s sweetness, a fleeting cheer
Replaced by pain, persistent and unclear.
Ibuprofen’s promise, every few hours
Hoping in vain for its healing powers.

My friend Seth at the wheel, as the clock struck five
Doctors’ discerning eyes, intensely alive.
“Pain’s source uncertain, to the ER, make haste!”
Each second precious, not a moment to waste.

No longer a seeker of sleep’s sweet release
But a wanderer in meditation, finding my inner peace.
Beyond the clamor, in a silent crease
Where thoughts and fears can softly cease.

I tread a new path, where life’s flames burn bright
Through winding trails, I unearth hidden light.
In each moment, wisdom takes flight
As my heart embraces introspection and my spirit takes flight.

In gratitude to Seth, my steadying star
To friends who’ve journeyed, both near and far.
In this labyrinth, where shadows spar
I’ve found my rhythm, my inner avatar.

Reflecting now on paths unknown
In quiet rooms where I’ve stood alone.
The journey’s not just where I’ve been
But in the depths of my self within.

For in each trial, a hidden gift
In stormy skies, a subtle shift.
Life’s mosaic, slowly adrift
In every ending, a new beginning’s lift.

Through the lines of this poem, I’ve attempted to convey the essence of what my 2024 has been like so far. I have a long ways to go. I’m making a lot of difficult decisions for myself. When it comes to a complicated diverticulitis with a 3cm abscess (easier to type than it is to actually say), this isn’t what is going to define me.

Dear Brianna,

As December 5th approaches, I find myself reminiscing about the wonderful times we’ve shared and the incredible person you’ve become. Even though we don’t get to catch up as often as I’d like, please know that you are always in my thoughts and that your Uncle Tweaker is immensely proud of you.

First and foremost, I want to wish you a very Happy Birthday! It’s incredible to see how much you’ve grown since the last time we celebrated your special day together. You’ve truly blossomed into a remarkable young woman, and I can’t wait to see what the future has in store for you.

Living in your sunny paradise, you’ve always had a unique and exciting backdrop for life’s adventures. The ocean waves, sandy shores, and endless sunshine seem to perfectly match your Sagittarius spirit. Sagittarians, like us, are known for their free-spirited and adventurous nature, always seeking new experiences and embracing life to the fullest. Your love for adventure and exploration has undoubtedly been nurtured by your beautiful surroundings.

Brianna, I want you to know how proud I am of everything you’ve achieved so far and how excited I am for all the amazing things that lie ahead. Your incredible strength, kind heart, and boundless energy make you a force to be reckoned with, and I have no doubt that you will continue to achieve greatness in every aspect of your life. I hope that on your special day, you take a moment to reflect on the incredible person you are and the bright future that awaits you. Cherish every moment, treasure your family, and continue to follow your heart. Your uncle is always here, cheering you on from afar and sending you all the love and best wishes in the world.

Happy Birthday, Brianna! May this year be filled with love, laughter, and new, unforgettable adventures.

Today, I felt accomplished from the moment I got out of bed. I drank my 30g of protein, walked for more than 30 minutes, and by day’s end, I had taken over 11k steps. Yet, as I reflected on the day, I couldn’t help but notice that there were aspects of my time management that could have been better. This realization prompted me to dive into some introspection.

I came across a thought that I couldn’t shake, and I felt the need to journal it. You know those moments when life feels incredibly challenging, and it seems like you’re losing your way? Well, this message carries some valuable wisdom that I believe can help me, as a reminder, to navigate tough times.

It’s about finding hope and strength when things appear bleak.

The core idea is that, even in my darkest moments, there’s a path to resilience and progress. I emphasize the importance of unity and unwavering determination. The central theme, for me, is unity and resilience. It encourages me to support others, fearlessly pursue my goals, and remain steadfast in the face of adversity. This serves as a reminder that I am capable of achieving great things when I come together with others and support them. The message reminds me that setbacks are a natural part of life’s journey and should not deter me. Instead, I should keep pushing forward, no matter the obstacles I encounter. There’s room for improvement in my approach.

I am committed to rising above my challenges, taking control of my destiny, and claiming my own path to success. Life can throw curveballs, but this message reminds me that I am not alone in my struggles. I have the power to grow stronger, support others, and achieve my goals. I have the resilience to rise above challenges and claim my own path to success.

This year, I’m thankful for a lesson well-earned,
The value of a good friend, a treasure discerned.
In dreams one day, I came to realize,
I’m all about the hello’s, never the tearful goodbyes.

Here one moment, in the blink of an eye,
Gone the next, but please don’t sigh.
It’s not that I don’t care, or worse, despise,
I cherish the moments when we reunite, to both our surprise.

The joy in your smile when we meet anew,
Fills my heart with warmth, love, and a paisley hue.
Happiest I am when we share our view,
Grateful for the love, knowing it’s true.

You’ve taught me it’s okay to be apart,
Yet still be cherished, still hold a heart.
I’m hopeful for the future, a fresh start,
The next time our paths cross, this lesson is your work of art.

Today, I want to open up and share my personal journey of self-discovery and growth over the past two decades. You see, I’m a 47-year-old guy who’s had his fair share of ups and downs, and therapy has been a sporadic companion along the way. It’s been a wild ride filled with moments of creative brilliance, deep connections with others, times when I’ve expressed myself with all my heart, and those quiet moments of introspection. I’ve also learned the power of empathy, kindness, and the art of finding hope even in the darkest of times.

Over the years, I’ve discovered the incredible healing potential of creative expression. From pouring my thoughts into a journal to losing myself in the world of art therapy, I’ve found ways to give voice to those feelings that are sometimes too complex for words. Exploring my creative side has not only been therapeutic but has also catalyzed my personal growth. I don’t get to write as often as my mind allows me, but when I do, it does help.

I have always sensed more from others than I’ve ever understood about what they’re saying. I learned in my 30s that I am an empath. It’s something that still confuses me, inexplicably. I can feel love and compassion towards someone who is struggling yet want nothing to do with them while they’re hurting. It’s not just about understanding myself; it’s about connecting with others on a deeper level. Their pain is my pain. I’m still processing my own challenges; I cannot add theirs to my list.

Through years of self-reflection, I’ve become a keen observer of my own thoughts and behaviors. I’m getting better at recognizing my starting line. This self-awareness has empowered me to break free from destructive patterns and make healthier choices. Therapy has encouraged me to step back and appreciate the journey of my life. I’ve come to value mindfulness, a practice that keeps me rooted in the present moment, preventing me from getting lost in the past or overwhelmed by anxieties about the future. I continue to rebuild my foundation for my House of Thomas.

The therapeutic process has also shown me the importance of kindness, not only towards others but towards myself. Embracing self-compassion and self-care has been nothing short of transformative. It has allowed me to let go of harsh self-judgment and embrace my imperfections, leading to a healthier self-image.

Twenty years of therapy have been an incredible journey of self-discovery, growth, and transformation. Through creative expression, empathetic connections, keen observation, thoughtful reflection, acts of kindness, and the ability to find light in the darkest of times, I’ve evolved into a more resilient, compassionate, and self-aware individual.

In the intricate tapestry of human existence, we often find ourselves navigating a complex web of societal dynamics and interactions. These interactions can sometimes feel like games with rules that appear unequal or even arbitrary. It’s a challenge we’ve all faced, the discomfort of feeling like we’re participating in a game where the rules remain elusive, and the stakes can feel unfairly high.

So, how can we better manage this discomfort and approach these dynamics with authenticity and resilience?

Self-awareness as Your North Star

As we navigate the intricacies of societal dynamics, self-awareness is our guiding star. Understanding your own values, principles, and boundaries is key. Remember the words of Rumi, “Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” Reflect on your past experiences, like the one where you stood up for your beliefs despite societal pressure. Embrace that inner wisdom.

Embrace the Observer Role

In the dance of unequal rules, sometimes, it’s empowering to step into the role of the observer. Much like your dream where you moved from person to person, offering support and empathy, this observer stance allows you to see the larger game from a unique perspective. You become the compassionate witness, acknowledging the rules without fully participating.

Connect with Kindred Spirits

Your journey becomes less daunting when you realize you’re not alone. Recall the blog post where you shared a profound moment with Raelean, who encouraged you to be free and go with the flow. Seek out kindred spirits who resonate with your values and provide a supportive community. These connections can be your anchor amidst the stormy seas of societal expectations.

Choose Your Battles

Just as you once discovered the importance of boundaries when you wrote about your “Pact,” recognize that not every battle is worth fighting. Channel your energy into areas where you can make a meaningful impact. Like a chess player, consider your moves carefully and focus on those that align with your values.

Practice Mindful Detachment

Mindfulness, as you’ve explored in your journey toward self-compassion, can be a powerful tool. In moments of unequal rules, practice mindful detachment. Observe your emotions and reactions without judgment. Allow them to flow like a river, knowing that they don’t define you.

Cultivate Resilience

The journey of navigating unequal societal dynamics requires resilience. Just as you’ve embraced the imperfections in your “47” poem, remember that resilience doesn’t mean you’re invulnerable; it means you bounce back stronger. Use your past experiences, both challenging and uplifting, as stepping stones to greater resilience.

Seek a Mentor or Guide

Just as you ventured into the realm of dreams and self-discovery, seeking guidance can be invaluable. Find a mentor or guide who has navigated similar waters and can offer insights and strategies for managing societal dynamics. Their wisdom can illuminate your path.

In the grand tapestry of human existence, societal dynamics will always be part of the intricate design. By acknowledging the unequal rules, cultivating self-awareness, setting boundaries, and advocating for authenticity, you can navigate these dynamics with grace and resilience. Remember, you have the power to define your own rules and live an authentic life amidst the complexity of societal interactions.

This is a my life journal entry. I use this space where we embark on a voyage into the enigmatic depths of human existence. At the heart of our exploration lies a profound truth: we are vessels for cosmic energy, each of us navigating a unique and intricate journey.

In my build, I take form of a human body—a remarkable marvel of biological engineering. It is composed of a mere six primary elements, yet within this elemental framework, ten major systems work in harmony. These systems, from the skeletal to the reproductive, collaborate seamlessly to sustain us throughout our lifetime. They are the engines propelling our remarkable journey.

In this world, we are blessed with the freedom to come and go as we please, yet we are all bound by the same fundamental rules. We share a common human experience, but the paths we carve through life are as diverse as the stars in the night sky.

Amidst this infinite tapestry of existence, we form deep emotional bonds with one another. While we are all fundamentally the same, we each possess a unique capacity for experiencing and processing emotions. Some among us may feel emotions less frequently or not at all—a testament to the incredible range of human experiences. Their energy in this realm is pure and untainted by past experiences, granting them a distinct perspective.

Nevertheless, regardless of our emotional capacities, we all contribute to the rich tapestry of culture that envelops us. Culture encompasses the traditions, beliefs, and practices of a community or group. It extends beyond religion to encompass art, literature, and myriad other expressions of the human experience. As humans, we have the privilege of immersing ourselves in a finite number of cultures during our lifetime.

One of the defining qualities of humanity is our ability to integrate into other cultures and societies. It’s like an elegant dance—a harmonious interplay where we navigate the intricate steps of different cultural expressions.

I’d like to share a brief yet powerful 30-second clip that illustrates this interplay of cultures. Imagine an individual from an Asian culture dining at an Italian restaurant in Europe. In Italy, dining establishments typically provide tables adorned with tablecloths, plates, napkins, and silverware. Now picture this Asian diner ordering spaghetti with tomato sauce and expertly wielding chopsticks for their meal.

This scenario beautifully highlights the common elements shared between cultures, such as the ambiance and setup of the restaurant. However, it also reveals a fascinating contrast in the answer to a seemingly straightforward question: “How do they consume their food?” The Asian diner effortlessly responds with “chopsticks,” while the majority of European Italians lean towards using silverware.

Digging deeper, we uncover the emotions underlying this experience. There’s an undeniable sense of surprise—a delightful departure from cultural norms. In a binary sense, it’s as though 1 should always remain 1 and 0 should always remain 0. To the European Italian restaurant, using chopsticks might feel like a subtle disruption of their established code. However, let’s remember that shared experiences, even those that surprise us, unite us through the emotion of surprise itself. We celebrate our moment right now, knowing that our paths will cross again. As we continue to reconnect, we will begin to define our common shared 1s. I look forward to that day.

Should you ever find yourself in a similar situation, yearning to embrace a different cultural experience, do not fear breaking the code, venturing beyond your familiar boundaries. We take pride in who we are, just as you do in yourself. Let us share this experience together. Allow me to show you how to navigate the silverware, and together, we can savor the joys of an Italian meal.

At mysterthomas.com, we celebrate the rich tapestry of human experiences and the myriad ways in which we connect with one another. Join us on this captivating journey of exploration and discovery as we delve into the mysteries of existence, one captivating story at a time.