As I sit down to write this, I’m not entirely sure where the words will lead me. The thoughts form as a swirl, much like the way winter snow dances in the wind, chaotic yet somehow intentional. I’m thinking about Black and White. Not the colors, not just the contrast, but what they represent. Duality. Simplicity. Complexity.
Santa Claus sees the world differently, or at least the version of Santa I’ve come to embody. He looks beyond the binary. The lists of naughty and nice? They seem black and white, but are they? When I slip into his mindset, I see a spectrum, a cascade of choices, struggles, and perseverance that don’t easily fit into neat categories.
The internet is much the same. It’s tempting to present a polished version of yourself, a persona that feels more digestible to others. Yet I find it exhausting to fake existing at all, much less in a way that’s curated or flawless. My existence is raw, unpolished, and relentlessly real, which I suppose makes me a bit of an outlier in the virtual world.
Over the years, people have called my way of communicating “Barbairdian.” It’s a word that stuck, a descriptor for how I translate my thoughts into the digital space. It’s not always pretty or perfect, but it’s always true to me. I struggle to fake it because faking feels like betrayal, not to others but to myself.
This brings me back to Black and White. It’s easy to want to see the world as one or the other, good or bad, success or failure. But the reality I’ve come to understand, both as myself and as Santa Claus, is that life is richer than duality. Life is lifting others when you’ve found solid footing, even if you don’t feel entirely steady yourself.
I don’t always feel at home in the real world. My humility and shyness can make it hard to navigate face-to-face interactions. But the virtual world? That’s a realm where I’ve learned to shine, not by pretending to be something I’m not but by embracing who I truly am. It’s in this space I’ve found the strength to persevere and, when possible, offer a hand to others struggling along the same path.
Black and White are starting points, not endpoints. They’re the first brushstrokes on a much larger canvas, one we’re all painting together. My role, as I see it, is to help others see the gray—the nuance, the beauty, the complexity. Whether as Santa Claus or just me, that’s the gift I hope to give.
Soul Under Construction 