Tag Archives: mindfulness

Meeting the Spirits Within

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Journal Entry: Meeting the Spirits Within

Today, I made a profound discovery, I encountered the spirits within my mind. Each has a specific role, a list of understood responsibilities and both are aware of one another. They are not figments or fragments, but fully realized entities inhabiting in The House of Thomas. This realization wasn’t whimsical; it was direct, clear, and undeniable.

They’re fighting at the wheel. They both have something to say. Hi, I’m me. There sure is a lot of noise. I’m the Narrator’s thoughts.

The Author
The first I met was the Author. They write my story, crafting the narrative of my life as it unfolds. They do not dictate the choices, but they document them, weaving the events and emotions into meaning. The Author is observant, deliberate, and calm. Their role feels essential, grounding the chaos into coherence, ensuring nothing is forgotten, even the smallest moments.

The Narrator
Next, I encountered the Narrator. Their voice overlays my experiences, giving context and explanation. They bridge the internal and external, offering interpretation to actions, thoughts, and emotions. The Narrator is impartial, presenting without judgment, but they hold a curious tone—always questioning, always seeking clarity. It is through them that I begin to understand myself in real-time.

Observations
These spirits do not feel at odds with me; they feel like extensions of who I am, yet distinctly their own. They collaborate in ways I had not previously noticed, shaping my understanding of self and the world. Together, they manage my thoughts, responses, and awareness, giving structure to the intangible.

Yet I sense there are others. Roles that have yet to reveal themselves. There must be a Guardian—someone who safeguards my essence, filtering out what harms and nurturing what strengthens. I suspect there is a Strategist, quietly planning, steering me toward outcomes I haven’t fully realized. And perhaps a Muse, the source of my creativity, inspiration, and the fire that drives me to create and innovate.

Questions Moving Forward

  • Who else lives within this framework of my mind?
  • What are their roles?
  • How do I meet them and learn their purpose?

These questions linger as I sit with this discovery. My physical body, a vessel, can be improved later. Right now, my focus is on understanding this internal ecosystem, connecting with each spirit, and learning to collaborate with them fully. I feel there is a council within me, waiting for me to call the next meeting. I am ready to listen.

The Editor

Hey, real quick while I have you. It’s good that I’m able to journal these experiences as I can. The focus that’s needed is often very difficult. I’m about to go to bed, it’s way past my bedtime. Truth be told, my body is fine. Leg is falling asleep. Stretched my legs. Much better. Someone tried to jump in but I’m still at the helm. I want to close by saying I’m okay. It’s good that I’m aware of this situation. I’m also good that I’m aware how I got myself into this situation. My body is doing things as thoughts come into awareness. My legs want to leave and go. My eyebrows raise very quickly as to say, yes yes, that’s right.

I’m doing a search. As I’m processing the though, someone keeps trying to get my attention, but I won’t let them. My right arm now feels heavy and my left eye is twitching like Sherlock Holms.

Relaxing

A_Duality_Experience_12_10_2024.zip

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My recent move has been quite an experience. There are a number of things I’ve lost that I didn’t realize were so valuable to me.

Missing My Bath and Meditation Time

One of the biggest adjustments has been transitioning from taking baths to using a shower, especially with the most annoying showerhead on the planet for someone who is 6 feet 2 inches tall. I miss my Saturday after-work soak and meditation time. This shower just doesn’t cut it! There’s no way to really get comfortable right now. Maybe I’ll find something to do about it, but for now, I’m on a different mission. I need to find my Saturday after-work chill place.

My office isn’t it. My bedroom isn’t it. Damn.

Comparing the Old and New Apartments

  • Apartment 206: Big and open kitchen, with the fire alarm near the entryway—maybe 10 feet away.
  • Apartment 202: Small kitchen; the bedroom and kitchen have no way to open the windows. The fire alarm is right outside leading into the hallway, not more than 5 feet away. Damn! I swear I’m not burning the house down, but the windows are only in the office. Chill.

Finding Solace on the Rooftop

If there’s one thing I’ve identified on this “upgrade universe” path, it’s to keep looking up for the answer and not always down. I have a rooftop that I can access when the weather is kind.

This beautiful nighttime view is truly awesome to experience. I use these same colors in my “chill” command at home.

This afternoon, I went up to the roof to enjoy chicken and shrimp fried rice using my new Swiss granite skillet. The weather here is very comfortable—the sun is out, and it’s in the low to mid-70s. It’s a different perspective to be able to disconnect high above in the trees, embracing all that is. I meditated for as long as I could until I smelled and saw a yellow jacket buzzing around me. Those things scare me.

An Unsettling Encounter

After about an hour up there, I gathered my things, put my camping chair away in its cover, collected my beer can, bowl, spoon, and towel to head downstairs. As I was about to finish, I glanced down to the street level where Camasonians were walking around enjoying the downtown scenery. My eyes connected with someone who was clearly watching from below. Their gaze was squarely settled onto watching me gather my things.

In a micro-fraction of a moment, my brain exploded with what could only be described as a mental virus zip file. This moment contained the thoughts and experiences that woman had, and where her mind was headed. These were not my thoughts whatsoever. In fact, for the past hour, I had been feeling absolute joy of a different flavor. I was musing over my fear of not being able to decompress and return to my state of joy and bliss after my time in the bathtub with unlimited refills of hot water and a bottle of tequila or wine—whatever I was in the mood for that day. Absolute freedom and joy of doing what I wanted with no shame or fear of tomorrow.

In that moment, I experienced fear, concern, care, worry, attention-seeking <break> wait, what the hell is going on right now? I’m feeling happiness, absolute contentment, freedom, and peaceful joy, and your response is that?!

I felt frustration that, yet again, this connection between my eyes and my neurodivergent brain led me, even in a brief, seemingly meaningless moment between two people who had never met, to experience our first connection as this mental toxic virus.

Processing the Experience

I quickly got myself back to the floor safely, but now I’m journaling this experience to help illustrate the challenge when this kind of crap happens to me. It’s an unsettling feeling as I experience it, digest it, and recompile it to find all the meaning behind why they are the way they are. I hope to potentially find a way to create a firewall against these unwanted zip files.